How do we send, receive and evaluate messages? Is the message you want to send, the message that is likely to be received? Studies show that spoken words account for only 7% of the total meaning of our communication; 93% of communication is nonverbal!
Verbal versus Nonverbal Communication
Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D., is known for his studies on the relative importance of verbal and nonverbal communication. He formulated the 7%-38%-55% rule: 7% of the total meaning of our communication is from spoken words, 38% is from vocal variables (such as voice tone) and 55% is visual (such as facial expressions). Wordless messages impact 93% of our communication effectiveness.
Your actions, attitude and intentions are more important than what you say. Naturally, this applies to both your personal and professional relationships.
Communication= Verbal + Vocal (how you say it, the tone implied if the delivery of words) + Visual (body language, facial expressions)
Types of Nonverbal Communication
∞ Touch (a pat on the back, holding hands)
∞ Gestures (a nod, a wink)
∞ Facial expressions (a smile, a frown)
∞ Eye contact (direct versus indirect- up/down/sideways, blink rate)
∞ Body movements (smooth, erratic)
∞ Body language/posture (crossed arms, leaning forward, hands tightly clasped)
∞ Personal effect (clothing, hairstyle)
∞ Voice quality, tone, pace and noises (grunts, sighs)
Cultural and environmental factors (lighting, room temperature) also influence communication results.
Nonverbal Communication- Observe yourself, Observe others, Take action
Take an objective and honest look at yourself and others. Are you fully present with yourself and the person you are with? Are you sending, or receiving, conflicting messages? If you observe yourself in a closed body position, such as having your arms crossed, are you willing to uncross your arms and see what happens? If you notice that someone’s body posture is closed, are you willing to open up a dialogue? For example, “ I sense that you might be uncomfortable, is that accurate?”
You may want to change a verbal or nonverbal communication habit by using a 33 day process. Please refer to “2 Essential Guidelines to Create a New Habit” and “When your Relationships are Good, your Life is Good.”
Remember, words are important too. Words have energy, and listening skills are critical for effective communication. Very Smart Girls use verbal and nonverbal communication skills wisely.
As always, I am interested in your thoughts. Comments welcome!
photo credit: Ed Yourdon
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So much of our communication is by email, Facebook, texting etc. What does that do to the quality of understanding? I wonder what the world be like in a few years as more and more people do more and more of their communication by computer or text messaging.
How true Elaine! I struggle with this everyday in a virtual business where we all work from home & use phone & email constantly. It is the only time in my career where I have ever struggled with communications. We can’t see (and often can’t hear) when someone is getting close to their stress or comfort limits. We also have missed the level of importance or urgency one of our team members places on certain things & that can cause problems. I think it’s an ongoing challenge we’ll have to face – no going back.
Video cams do help, but it’s still not the same as face to face communications. I also find it takes more energy because I have to be very precise in my verbal communications because I work with technical men who have different backgrounds/expertise than me. I knew the non-verbal percentages were high, but didn’t realize how high.
Elaine and Liz,
Perhaps smiling and texting is a good idea 
Setting intentions, using your intuition, listening & looking for cues (e.g. word choices in text messages or emails) and being willing to ask open ended questions if you pick up on something are some options to think about. It is surely an interesting cyber ride we are on!
Thank you for your insights! Here are some thoughts: With telephone calls, vocal variables (pace, pitch, tone) are critical to observe. Try to bring genuine, positive and caring energy to phone calls. I have seen people with mirrors next to their computers and they purposefully smile when they are on the telephone