There is No Such Thing as a Table for Two

by Jo-Ann Downey on July 27, 2009

in Relationship Communication Skills

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Each of us is complex and unique.  Even if there are only 2 people together, let’s say sharing a meal, There is No Such Thing as a Table for Two!  The intention of this article is to increase your awareness about relationship dynamics and the need for effective relationship communication skills.  Let’s go.

Effective Communication – How many people are here?

You have many aspects of yourself- your joyful self, your upset self, your mature self, your immature self, your perceptions, your beliefs, who you think you are, who you think the other person is, etc.

Now think about the fact that the person you are with also has many aspects- their joyful self, their upset self, their mature self, their immature self, their perceptions, their beliefs, who they think they are, who they think you are, etc.

The list is probably infinite and some aspects of yourself, and others, have more “juice” than others.  Clearly, there is a lot going on.

Relationship Communication- Who is Talking to Who?

With every communication opportunity, there are many dynamics and they can change from minute to minute.

For example, your mature self might be talking to someone’s immature self.  Your belief that punctuality is important may collide with someone’s nature to be carefree.

You should probably assume that you just don’t know exactly what is going on (perhaps even with yourself), so listen well – to yourself and others.

Relationship Communication Awareness

Accurate communication is tough.  Your awareness that There is no Such Thing as a Table for Two should help you be more understanding of others which puts you on the right track for more effective communications.

After all, don’t we all want to be truly heard and to truly hear others?

Comments welcome! The name you type in the comment section (for example, Jo-Ann, Jo-Ann Downey or Jo-Ann from Boston) will appear on the site.  Your email address will NOT appear.  If you provide a website URL (for example, your business or your blog URL),  it will be linked to your name so others can learn more about you.

photo credit: Greg Halvorsen

Related posts:

  1. Communication Checkpoints
  2. Silence is Golden…and Pauses are Too

{ 2 trackbacks }

power of silence
February 14, 2010 at 2:00 pm
perception checking
October 15, 2010 at 12:18 pm

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Elaine July 27, 2009 at 11:25 pm

Is it possible for two people to really get to know each other?

Reply

Jo-Ann July 31, 2009 at 12:22 pm

I suppose it depends on the definition of “really” knowing someone. It probably starts with you really wanting to know the other person and them really wanting to be known!

Reply

Liz August 2, 2009 at 3:18 pm

I absolutely believe it is! I do think it depends on whether or not we really know ourselves and trust someone enough to want them to know US – with all our beauty and flaws. Are we speaking or are we saying what we think our parents or friends want us to say? Or what we think this person wants to hear? You have to be willing to speak your truth. If you can’t express your feelings, needs, desires, fears & dreams then it’s pretty tough for someone to “know” the real you.

Reply

Jo-Ann August 4, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Great insight Liz, thank you for sharing!

Pam Ahmed July 28, 2009 at 12:17 pm

I agree. I think that is why communication can be difficult. You never know exactly where the other person is coming from ,at the time ,you are communicating to them. You also never know if the person is going to hear what you had to say the way you meant it. Interesting!!

Reply

Jo-Ann Downey August 4, 2009 at 6:19 pm

I appreciate your comment! It reminds me of the importance to check in with the other person during a conversation and ask questions like “Did I understand you correctly when you said …?”

Reply

Sue July 28, 2009 at 5:58 pm

Loved the article….so true, so true!!!!

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Roxanne Rochna July 31, 2009 at 4:39 am

Very interesting. I think that alot of times as we are “listening” we are usually already thinking of our response to what the other person said or to busy trying to interpret what they are telling us. If we truly are present for that person and really listen to them I think it would become clearer what they are trying to say. After reading this I will definitely work on my listening skills.
Thanks Jo-Ann

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